Wretched man that I am, my heart is hardened so fast. I take solace in knowing I am in the same boat as men that are and were far better than me in their flesh.
I read about Paul and how his life was in physical jeopardy daily for the cause of the gospel he preached. Paul declared “I die daily.”
My life isn’t in jeopardy because I seek Christ. I am thankful that I live in this country and can worship as my heart leads me. The worst, so far, that I will have to endure is a little mockery and scorn. That’s nothing. There are people all over the planet that have a sincere desire to worship Jesus but can’t openly or else they will be killed. I am truly blessed to live here and be able to freely worship and am ashamed my heart hardens so quickly.
While my life isn’t in physical jeopardy because I seek Christ, my spiritual life is in jeaopardy daily because of the hardening of my heart, the deceitful ness of riches, and the environment I live in so I have to work on spiritually “dying daily.”
My spiritual life has been resurrected and it is so important to me. Yet, as an example, yesterday I got up, gave the first fruits of my day to the Lord and by the days end the cares and troubles of the world had etched away at my spirit. I started that day with a tender heart but by the time I went to bed, I went to bed with those old familiar spirits beating on my hearts door like something out of a horror movie. Thankfully I kept the door shut and locked.
The morning has come and in the past I would hit the ground running and attempt to catch up on what was behind from the day before. I would try to fix my mistakes from the day and weeks before and I’d do it all alone without asking the Holy Spirit to help me, guide me and keep my heart tender. Today, I’m trying to reset, “die today” to the love and practice of sin, and invite the Holy Spirit to help me. I can’t keep myself one day without His help.
I love reading about the miracle of the loaves and how Jesus fed 5,000 men plus an untold number of women and children in a desert place. He sat them on grass in the desert. Ever seen green grass in a desert!? Wherever Jesus is, even in the most barren of places, there is something growing and flourishing. Jesus blessed and broke the bread and instructed the disciples to give the bread and fish to the people for sustenance. Thousands were filled. As well, there were so many leftovers that there were 12 huge take home boxes left over. The disciples witnessed this but later while toiling and rowing their boat with the winds contrary their hearts were hardened and afraid. Jesus came to them and said “Be of good cheer, it is I, be not afraid.” Jesus went and got in the boat with them and the wind ceased.
How quickly their hearts were hardened and how quickly they forgot about the miracle of the loaves.
God has done so much for me. I can see all the dots of my past connected now and see how He has been with me as i toiled. I can see how I toiled in vain without him and I can see how, with Him in my life, miracles were wrought. How can I be so unfaithful at times?
I’ve read where Jesus marvels at two different states of being. He marvels at our great faith and he marvels at our unbelief. I suspect He has marveled at my unbelief many times. I weep this morning over that. I will die today……to the flesh….and look for opportunities to believe and maintain a tender heart. I suspect it won’t be astonishing faith but even if faith the size of a mustard seed, I know He will be pleased.
Even now I hear the Holy Spirit whispering “You’re too hard on yourself. I love you Harmony.” My God is so easily pleased. Men take from men. Men eat men. Devour them. Jesus feeds men. Never takes. Oh how I love Jesus.
A testimony Friday, September 10, 2021