James 1:23 ~ But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves. For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his face in a glass:
For he beholds himself and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was. But whoso looks into the perfect law of liberty, and continue therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.

As a teenager it was hell fire and brimstone preaching that brought me to my knees. It seemed the message of God was that everything I thought, everything I done, everything I felt and almost everything I said was hated by God. God was good and I was bad. With repentance and then only by walking the chalk line would I have a chance of being saved. I went to the altar, afraid. The minister asked me to repeat a prayer and to believe on the name of Jesus. I did that. After whaling on the altar long enough, I was considered to be saved. The church rejoiced. I left that first experience of heartfelt repentance not feeling like I had experienced grace but rather that I, through some amazing emotional effort had narrowly escaped hell fire 🔥 and that I was going to commit to living perfectly the rest of my days so that I could forever be free of what the world calls sin. Impossible assignment.

I’ve always understood that Jesus died for my sins and that belief in Him and in His name was the only way to be saved. Yet, deeply I know now that the experiences I’ve had with God and His Word have always been of my flesh and it’s limited understanding of the things of the spirit.

There is a walk in the flesh and there is a walk in the spirit.
For years every morning I have went through a similar ritual. I get up, hit the shower. While in the shower, I think about all of the problems and opportunities I will face in the day. I beat myself up for the former days, weeks, months and years of mess up and mistakes. I shamefully ask, “here am I again Lord, will you forgive me again for all my inadequacy and mistakes? Else, I feel you won’t help me get through this day.” I’d beat myself up for every mistake every morning and even if I’d already beat myself up sufficiently, I would then anchor to fear of failure again.

Every person has to work out their own salvation with fear and trembling. You better work it out. One doesn’t want to have their soul hurling through outter darkness, with no noise, no pain, no pleasure, and no connection with God for all eternity. There are some things worse than the hell man has told us about. That’s my view anyway. While we all must workout our salvation and inner peace, the hell fire preaching I received so early on didn’t help my faith walk. I put my faith in my works and in my own ability to keep myself. I was alive to the law, the law of man. I simply couldn’t keep the law and because of the law, I have known nothing but sin my entire life.

Thou shalt not….

Then I’d do it.

Sin.

Shame.

Regret.

Pain.

Repent.

Repeat.

Like Adam and Eve, I knew no sin until the commandment came. The commandment came, they couldn’t live up to it, hid themselves like I’ve tried to hide my own sin, and they were cast out of the garden with all peace lost. Their story was a great foretelling of my story. However, a new story has begun…..a new journey….and I am not ashamed…..

I had the most amazing story and experience of grace Saturday, August 21, 2021.
A preacher came to me, The name was the Holy Spirit. I say The Name because The spirit wasn’t male or female. God is not a man and God is not a woman. God cannot be labeled as a label would limit God and one cannot limit the omnipotence of God. I am Travis. Travis is my label. To your eye, all my works, good and bad, are attached to my label. My label limits me in the flesh. God is the great I AM that I AM. God is limitless power. God is the power and life of an infinite number of stars ⭐️ that burn bright because God tells them too. I cannot fathom the power of the Everlasting Father. We have given labels to God for our own conversations sake and due to our limited understanding of God and God’s awesome power. This preacher asked for my hand, corrected my private interpretations of scripture, showed me love, empathy, compassion and then took all of my bad baggage and cast it as far from me as the East is from the West. I wasn’t afraid and wasn’t ashamed. I felt accepted. I felt loved. I felt protected. I received the message and the kingdom of heaven with gladness. I’ve never been talked to like that, ever.

You are a beautiful mind and made perfectly in every way.
Your past isn’t ugly, it was a fire that refined and purified you.
You are courageous.
You are good.
You are no longer alive to sin but are dead to sin.
You were lost and now you are found.
Here is a ring for your finger.
Here is a new wine skin.
Walk in the spirit and in the newness of life.
Your sins be forgiven, past, present and future.
When you do sin, you have an advocate with the Father. You have me, the Holy Spirit, to make intercession for you.
Take your fig leaf off and let go of your shame and guilt.
Enter into my joy.

I can go on and on for hours about what was revealed to me that day and life will never be the same.
I’m not afraid that I will stop praising Him because there is too much pleasure in praise and communion with my God and with His saints.
Everyday, I go through new rituals. I still get in the shower, first thing, but I don’t think of today’s problems first. I think of the agape love I feel for God, for my family, my friends and life. I set my intentions for the day and know that everything I touch, with patience, will work out perfectly according to God’s will. I think of what manner of man that I am now and ask the Holy Spirit to not let me forget the manner of man I am now. I am blessed, forgiven and highly favored. A beautiful bride and beautiful child of the Most High.

Holy Spirit please don’t let me forget during this day that I’ve passed from death unto life because of precious Jesus. Don’t let me forget that I’m dead to sin and now made alive to God by faith and through the power of the Holy Spirit. Help me be not a forgetful hearer and forget that I’m redeemed and that only alive to God through this new spirit filled walk.

The storms of life like fog in a mirror sometimes causes me to forget that I am free and that I am beautiful. Not today. I win because He won.

A testimony Sunday, September 19, 2021.