It takes time to mature in the faith. I need to give myself that time rather than beat myself up over every transgression especially when many of my mistakes are because I’m trying and simply lack the maturity to make good decisions. I’m a work in progress.

The Bible says that we learn obedience by the things we suffer. Christ showed us the way through His sufferings. Christ suffered yet was obedient.

I am obedient when I’m not suffering. I am disobedient when I’m suffering.

That is to say, when things are going my way I find it easy to walk in faith but when things are not going my way I tend to stray.

I read the word but do I believe the word? Unless the word of God is mingled with and seasoned with one’s faith it doesn’t take root and it’s not alive in ones heart.

Tonight as I examine myself, I find much fault.

I lack courage.
I’m selfish.
I’m sometimes dark.
I recruit others to suffer with me.

Im ashamed of myself for that. I tried to sleep tonight with my shame and couldn’t.
Therefore, I turned to the word and I did find some hope, some new courage, compassion for self, and patience with self.

Solid food belongs to those of age. At 51 years of age I should be ready for some solid food.

It’s time to grow some teeth and stop buckling under the load. To many it would be a light load. To me, it’s a heavy load. The faith honeymoon is over.
The honeymoon ended when I went back to the altar and picked back up everything I left there.

I’m going to go and lay it back down, again, and take a deep breath, forgive myself for not handling a multitude of tasks and problems correctly.
If you and I could handle everything perfectly, I suspect we wouldn’t need the grace of our Lord and Savior.

Let go. Let God and be a tree planted firmly by the river’s waters.

A testimony, Thursday morning, November 11, 2022.