I fell away. I went after other gods and did so to my own hurt.

I talked the talk but I served a little god who sat on the throne of the innermost part of the temple.

That little god?

My own ego.

I was self-willed, faithless, and given to over indulgence in food and drink. I wasn’t blameless but blamed others for my failings. I tried to fix people’s problems myself for the glory of it and for their acceptance. I toiled and worked but the more I toiled and worked the deeper my pit became. I was a bad little god.

God didn’t hurt me. I hurt myself.

High blood pressure, high cholesterol, acid reflux, sleep apnea, type 2 diabetes and depression.

Anger issues. Temperament issues. Recluse behaviors. Mood swings. Worthless feelings.

On a Saturday, August 21, 2021, I decided to fall on my knees and ask God to give me a heart to really know God. I asked God if I could return to God with my entire heart. The answer from God was YES.

I got my little ego up out of God’s throne, the one in the innermost sanctuary of the tabernacle not made with hands called my heart and asked my God to sit in the center of my heart forevermore. I asked Him to allow me to be a prisoner of Jesus Christ the remainder of my life. I asked to be a doorkeeper and servant if God found me fit enough to do so. God did much more than I deserved and with the kiss of charity did the following for me……

My spirit was instantly lifted, my overindulgence In worry alleviated, peace that passed all understanding entered in like fresh air to a suffocating soul. The world that looked black and white now is in full color! My spirit felt like a bride whose veil had just been lifted only to see her bridegroom, provider and protector clearly for the first time. I felt like my God’s delight and that feeling has continued until today.

I am accepted of God whether I do good or whether I do bad but some how I want to do better. I don’t need to beat myself up with self criticism to motivate myself any longer. I just feel like doing more not less. I’m more disciplined and with more ease. I have more genuine joy and smiles come naturally instead of forced.

I’ve got it made. My ego is still there but it has bowed to the one true God and lover of my soul and spirit. My God is the King of kings and the Lord of lords. God knows how to reign over me, my body, my spirit, my mind and soul much better than I knew how to do it myself.

I am happy. To live is Christ and to die is gain.

Surrender is a beautiful and powerful thing.

A testimony, Wednesday, October 20, 2021