Sasha got me this beautiful new Thompson Chain Bible, KJV, for my 52nd birthday. She sent me flowers and got me some other cool things called Air Tags to help me keep up with my stuff. I’m a scatterbrain and am always losing my phone, keys and wallet. (If you enjoy your own custom study and enjoy chaining subjects and thoughts together yourself with help of the Holy Spirit and without the help of man, I recommend a Thompson Chain. It makes you work for it.)
I have a few Bibles, some KJV and a few other translations. I prefer to read and study out of the KJV. I do like NKJV when on my iPad. I also like the parallel Bible I have.
She’s always thoughtful and always good to me. I post these things publicly because I want her to know what’s in my heart. She sacrifices a lot to be with me but she doesn’t seem to mind it. I’m proud of her and I want her to know privately and publicly. Everyday with her is a blessing.
I’ve been reading and studying the Bible daily since August 21, 2021. Something amazing happened to me that day. Grace? Salvation? Sanctification? Re-dedication? A type of resurrection? Just reinvention? I don’t know.
I just know I had a broken heart and a contrite spirit. I gave things to the Lord that day that I had never given before. I had given my light to Him. I did that back in 1989 on the quad at Jacksonville State University. I had held back part of the price that one has to pay for peace though. I kept it to myself.
What did I keep to myself and what did I not give to the Lord back in the Fall of 99? I had held back the things I was ashamed of. I had held back the parts of me that I didn’t accept. I held back my darkness.
August 21, 2021, the Holy Spirit showed up as I approached that beautiful heavenly mercy seat for help. I was prepared to Re dedicate my light to Him again but that day He required more. He required my darkness.
To my surprise, as I shared my self-hate and shame, a beautiful voice spoke to me in the deepest darkest places of my mind and said to me in Spirit, “Your darkness is beautiful. I love and want all of you.”
My words here will fall short in explaining what happened to me that day and how all of my world philosophies and religious philosophies were turned upside down on that day. I was wrong. Wrong about it all and hiding my darkness, weakness, and shame was the thing I was most wrong about.
I know God put Sasha in my life as His surrogate, proxy or angel to help me because she and God alone knows my darkness and my weakness. She loves me despite the darkness. While she may love me despite it, God loves me because of it.
The things we hide and reject about ourselves, cause us to run from God. All alone, God just wants all of us, as we are and with that can begin helping us with what we can be.
As long as one lives with untruths, It says to God, that His love is not limitless and not unconditional.
I’ve found that God’s love is limitless and without condition. What the world looks at in me and rejects God loves and embraces.
He will do the same for you. You may feel rejected by the world if you give yourself completely to your beautiful bridegroom, the lover of your soul, and live for Him. Even many church members may reject you once you truly give your life over to the Lord. However, God will see you through. You’ll experience many rewards and blessings along the way.
When you begin to do your best with your imitation of Christ, you’ll find your story parallels the life of Joseph. Joseph was a type of Christ in the Old Testament. He was faithful. Once rejected by His own brothers, He never lost His faith. If you and I will come now and reason with God and give God our light, our darkness, and obedience we will enjoy peace, joy and love.
Forgiveness.
Love.
Joy.
Peace.
Patience.
Goodness.
Meekness.
Self-control.
Faith.
He is all of these to me. Jesus embodies all of these character attributes.
I’m a work in progress.
Proverbs 24:16 ~ for a just man falleth seven times and riseth up again, but the wicked shall fall into mischief.
I don’t care how many times you tried and failed. God applauds your effort and embraces your weakness, loves your weakness because as a human, your weakness is your glory. It’s not an excuse, it’s your glory.
Christ is strong. Immovable. There is no variableness with God. Let Him be your strong shelter and tower.
Whatever you’re hurting over or beating yourself up over, let it go. Get back up. Move forward. One day at a time in Christ Jesus. Don’t listen to those who bring up your past failings. Look forward like a bride walking down the altar towards her smiling groom. Have tunnel vision. Let your eye be single and it will be full of light as you gaze upon beautiful Jesus, the Christ. You’re always dressed in white in Christ.
My testimony, Friday, September 2, 2022.